"the ideal guy" revisited.

so i was just browsing my old xanga, and it's funny looking back on some of the things i said. it amazes me how much i liked to write back then and how i actually wrote with decent diction and content. in case you wanna catch some of my posts during high school, be my guest.. i don't mind: www.xanga.com/ipyellow. it's quite interesting actually. it's rather funny to realize how stupid i was about certain things. especially boys.. and how caught up in all that i used to be. there was actually one entry i was looking for in particular [which had me browsing in the first place]. it was a list of all the qualities i hoped for in a guy [like boyfriend]. this is what i said [i'll italicize what i think now]:

Stef's ideal guy:

looks- hott. not asian or filipino. athletic. clean. simple. nice lips. fit. nice skin. smells good! nice smile. tall (taller than me at least).

hahahah!!! it's so funny how anti-asian i was. i was soo white washed back then. i'm definitely more open minded now, but people/friends kind of only see me dating 'white guys'. as far as liking asians, i'm still a bit closed off on that.. but i don't omit them entirely. i'm just not attracted to 'typical asians' and the type that conforms to their own kind. i guess everything else still holds true. the hottness factor.. well, guys i like tend to be attractive, but if they have charisma, that's a huge plus.

personality- has charisma. funny. polite. gets along w. everyone. flexible . doesn't get jealous, yet states his claim. spontaneous :). kick back. a people person. real (doesn't "try"). generous. has game. cute laugh. can carry an intelligent conv. social. outgoing. likes animals .

haha the whole charisma thing! i'm still definitely into that. i don't think it really matters if he gets along with everyone.. i definitely don't want a prick/dick. i am pretty busy and i wouldn't want someone who needs me all the time.. so the flexibilty part applies to me now more than ever. so does the jealousy thing.. i'm pretty much friends w/ all guys. he needs to understand that. cute laugh?!?! hahah.. i don't know why that's important. and i don't care if he likes animals. has game? lol.. well, kind of. i just don't want someone who thinks they're 'pimp.'

qualities- considerate. accepting (esp. w. his friends). understanding. trustworthy. honest. loyal. selfless. respectful. open. there for you. a listener. thinks for himself. has self control. doesn't think w. the wrong "head". down to earth. educated. has concern. compassionate. security. opinionated . reliable. willing to make some sacrifices.

wow.. i think this one pretty much stays the same. accepting.. that is something that i really want, but moreso in a different way. i want to be accepted for the right reasons.. not just to fit in. i want to be accepted for unconventional qualities. there for me.. well, i don't think i need that so much now, because i rely mostly on myself to get myself together. i've become quite independent now. security?! i think i can omit that. i don't want someone to necessarily be my 'safe haven' or someone i retreat to when things go wrong. that's what my friends are for and a bf, to me, is kind of something else. willing to make sacrifices.. i think that's kind of inevitable, however, i wouldn't want him to sacrifice so much. i don't want to be appeased or have him do things just to please me. he needs to be his own person and he shouldn't have to change much for me & vice versa. and if he should change that much, he's probably not for me.

actions- good kisser. nice hugs. knows what he's doing. playful. can give massages!! buys me food :). can cook. adventurous. can hit it right ;). lol. gives you tingles.

hahaha.. can hit it right? i really don't know what the hell i meant by that. i don't think i meant it in that way then because i don't think i knew much about that stuff. it would be nice to find someone good at massages though.. cause i'm great at giving them and i can't give them to myself. definitely adventurous! i'm all about random fun and spontaneous things. gives me tingles.. hmm.. well now, not in the way that makes you giddy initially because of infatuation. i want to feel tingles when he does things no one else does. i don't know how to explain this.. like when he astounds me in a profound way that i know no one else could do. things that are cognitively appealing and makes me feel like a better person.

so with all that said, here's a revised version:

STEF's IDEAL GUY

looks: well kept. some sense of style. walks 'tall'. confident. smiles. smooth skin ;). doesn't act hard [especially in front of his friends]. smells nice. tall [like 5'9 at least. haha]. fit. athletic to an extent.

personality: CHARISMA. witty. intellectually curious. opinionated. random at times. sociable. loquacious. OPEN-MINDED. i actually am interested in someone pursuing/having a college degree. UNCONVENTIONAL. has common sense. considerate of others. doesn't jump on bandwagons. knowledgeable in music|film|art.

bf qualities: independent [isn't needy of me and understands when i want to do my own thing.] not jealous, especially of guy friends. isn't mostly attracted to the physical. doesn't call me pet names. doesn't constantly compliment me on physical features [such as pretty, hot, cute, etc.]. recognizes me on the inside. thinks for himself and makes his own decisions. isn't afraid of being wrong/right. doesn't do things to appease me. doesn't keep tabs on me. doesn't exclude me cause i'm a girl [which is understandable at times]. isn't a PDA freak. comfortable in being with my and isn't doubtful. trusting and honest [even when it would upset me].

actions: doesn't expect me to do things in return [he should want to do something for me because he wants to]. chivalrous [is that a word?]. kisses well [which means not into a lot of tongue. esp to the point where he'd stick it down my throat. gross.. but rather, soft and sincere on the lips]. playful and random.. likes to joke around. isn't afraid of being corny. surprises me w/ random things/adventures. lets me hit him [playfully] without hitting me back. takes care of me if i get too drunk.

i'll add on to this later when i think of more stuff.. but yeah. a guy like that would be nice. maybe i know him.. maybe i don't. regardless, i'm not stressing about it. he's out there and he'll find me. or i'll know it.