na na na na-na-na-na.. hey, [your name here]!

so as it seems, boys and girls, this week's lesson was "stef, you're too nice."

i really couldn't hear enough of it.. and it really did get redundant among the people that know and care about me those most. it's true though.. i have been too nice.

but i can't help but wonder why everyone else who isn't "too nice" feels they must put up this guard. this wall to save themselves from vulnerability.

do you ever feel like people are only cold to keep themselves from giving in? i can't lie and say that i haven't done it.. but i just can't accept hearing "too nice."

yes i am. so what? what's wrong w/ that?

because i actually gave part of myself away? because i put myself out there and got burned? yeah i know. and yeah.. it hurts.

but it's only a bad thing when you can't pick yourself up, collect your pieces.

he shattered me when i was vulnerable, i know that. but that doesn't mean i'm weak.
i'm weak if i just let myself fall completely. i'm weak if i can't allow myself to feel the knife, and then pull it out myself.

it hurts to know he messed up a good thing.
it hurts that he doesn't understand how to nurture a relationship.
it hurts that he has to be cold to be fine.

yeah..

but to let someone ruin my open-ness and compassion..

that would be the ultimate downfall.