sometimes i wish a blog was like a talking head..

you would really see how i feel about certain things.

bored.

50 ODD Things about you

1. Height?
5'

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
can't say that i have.

3. Do you own a gun?
two. one on each bicep. hah!

5. What's your all time favorite band?
i don't really have an all time, but imogen heap is up there.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
i'm not really into hot dogs.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
mi burrito.. on my myspace. except i like the remix with the beat in it a lot more.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
chocolate organic milk. but i kind of just have it all the time.

9. Can you do push ups?
i can. and after eating pumkin pie & wine!

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
necklaces.

12. Do you like painkillers?
i haven't used them. maybe i'm just tough :]

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
i'm sorry what were you saying..?

16. Middle Name?
flower..

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment...
1.i can't believe i'm broke from xmas shopping.
2. i miss my aussie family.
3. i should've washed my hair today.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought:
christmas presents.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
water. chocolate organic milk. vitamin water.

22. Current worry?
certain people being not as happy with me.
not having money right now.

23. Current Hate?
idk.

24. Favorite place to be?
downtown.

25. Least favorite place to be?
the valley. so dead.

26. Where would you like to go?
australia.

27. Do you own slippers?
yeah.

28. What are you wearing?
"everyone loves a catholic girl" shirt. a shirt to layer underneath. skinny jeans.

29. Do you BURN or TAN?
tan.

30. Favorite color(s)?
green. teal.

31. Would you be a pirate?
as long as i get to walk someone off the plank.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
i do the scales. "do-re-mi" haha.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
zombies. i think they still are.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
bobby pins.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
tyla and miki. my aussie cousins.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
i never really got to pick mine. i guess the purple floral one.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
just a bad back and hips.. that i've always been dealing with.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
i'm in sd right now and i count.. 5.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
i'm kind of ashamed to say it's me.

42. Who is your most silent friend?
idk..

43. Does someone/s have a crush on you?
maybe. i don't know. i'm not really concerned.

44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
i rarely see shooting stars.

45. What is your favorite book BIATCH?
gabriel garcia marquez books.

46. What is your favorite candy?
not that big of a fan.

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
"true" spandau ballet. cannon in D. "kissing you [instrumental]" desiree.
that is, if i do get married.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
on eagle's wings. and all the other "catholics' greatest hits." lol.

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
driving from LA to sd. from the airport.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
i thought about how i was going to resolve my dream.

i'm doing it again..

what is it?

EVERYTHING.

humph :\

rambles influenced by a productive yet exhausting morning.

first i would just like to say that I HATE FINALS, WRITING ANALYTICAL IN DEPTH PAPERS, BEING STRESSED, and WORRYING IF I'M EVEN GONNA PASS MY CLASSES!! i hate feeling like a dumbass. i'm soo close to graduating!!! two more semesters! but i don't want this semester to screw me over. i've had too much to deal with, especially with family, campus programming, and just my overal sanity that i knew i should've taken a break. however, mother would definitely not allow it. i've never felt so unmotivated to do work and be enthusiastic about my academic endeavors. up til now i've been eager to learn and do well, but now i almost don't give a fuck about doing what needs to be done, but during crunch time turns out i really do give a shit. hah! maybe i just really didn't learn much. maybe my classes just sucked that much. i never hated going to class so much...

now that that's out of the way.. on to some contemplative and constructive blogging.. gyeah.

so i've been thinking about my relationships with other people. i'd say that at my age i've discovered how important relationships really are to me and that i can't just make friends for the fun of it and it's impossible to not try to establish meaningful connections and attachment. i've always thought that i had this idea that though friends i've met help make me feel good and all that jazz, that if anything were to ever happen.. like i leave or they leave somehow.. that i could easily move on and disregard it as nothing much. perhaps to avoid hard emotional loss. i'd say i've done rather well and achieving that, but at this point, i'm realizing that i really value who i am in relation to how i function as a friend and what i mean to others. whether it be friendships.. romantic relationships.. i want to be something. i know i've established this in an earlier blog.. but i just want to feel like i serve a greater purpose as a friend. right now, i think i i function as a friend that makes others happy and does nice things. i'm a good girl as a friend. especially with my guy friends. do i want more? i'm not sure. i've been single for quite a while, and i've really enjoyed it the past 6 months or so. i'm wondering if now i'm finding that i want a greater purpose. like being a great girlfriend, like i am a friend. i know i've been one in the past, but i've conditioned myself to feel like i don't need anyone and romance is not my thing. i still feel that way, but i'm not sure if theirs a void inside of me. hahaha. i'd like to not think so, and for the most part, i'm very happy alone. but i can't help but wonder what kind of gaze is bestowed upon me from the opposite sex as far as what kind of person they want me to be.

christmas, new years, winter season, valentines, and spring is nearing if not already here. all of which influence romantic relationships and all that warm and fuzziness. i wonder if i'll feel like i'm lacking even more as these events near. but i'm still young. i have my whole life ahead of me. i have priorities. but had i had someone, would my stress decrease? or increase cause relationships are complicated in general..

maybe i just need to get through this semester and stop stressing in general. all i know is i have great people in my life and the relationship i've already built are more than suffice. i'm appreciated, loved, and valued. anymore and i'm just going overboard. right?

ok. done.

frenchy if you read this..

hi!!
you're sleeping, but you told me to write a blog about you. so here it goes..

umm.. it's interesting how you paint a ceramic pig. you surreptitiously paint over the same spots. it's also peculiar how you loudly laugh at me in public places, such as organic restaurants. it's rather mean, but i can't be too mad at you because it would be synonymous to laughing at athletes in the special olympics. you're bad at playing follow the leader. you're good at showing me your hands.. palm out. lol.

ok that's all :]
thanks for being nice, for the most part.

and you're welcome.

stress!

finals is always that time of the semester when everyone is stressing out and frantically doing all the can last minute to survive through their classes with passing grades. i, of course, am no where near an exception. however, i'm finding this time around that i'm feeling more inadequate than usual. i've realized how much i've put thing aside and neglected the tasks i've needed to complete.. now they're slowly creeping up on me. sure, this happens to everyone when it comes to school work. but in addition to my workload, i have traffic school, parking tickets, registering for classes, credit card to pay off, and all that..

i'm really feeling like i put myself in a slump. especially since i have no time to work. i'm in dire need of a miracle, and i'm really disappointed that i put myself in such a rut. i just need to breathe.. relax..

God, please get me through this.